Monday, January 19, 2009

Allow Me to Dumb Down Science (Not For You, But For Myself)

Holy crap. We might not exist. Well, not true. We exist, but we might not exist as we know it. According to an article in this week’s New Scientist magazine, we might just be tiny specks of matter stuck on the edge of the universe. So, what does this mean? In the words of the great Gob Bluth, "It's an illusion, Michael!" OK, I lied again. Our world is not an illusion, per se, as much as just A GIANT HOLOGRAM!

Seriously, this is some freaky sh*t. Freaky science sh*t, which means it’s freaky like Beaker, Spock and Chewbacca getting together and having an alien Vulcan Muppet baby. So, like, Gonzo, and for those of us who fancy ourselves alien Vulcan Muppet baby scholars, Gonzo was pretty damn groundbreaking.

See, according to this so-called "science" I speak of, some crazy machine called the GEO6000 has detected something called "noise" coming from the edges of our universe, which, combined with our current knowledge of black hole rims (which I only wish was as dirty as it sounds), means that…uh…

Damn you, science! You've fooled me once again! I have no idea what it means in the grand scheme of things if this hologram hypothesis is true! (Clearly, I have no business trying to read New Scientist magazine.) I can only hope this new information finally makes it official to Jem that we are all, indeed, a part of her band, The Holograms.



Wait! I just figured out what it would mean if we really are living as holograms. It simply means that we're truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous. Take that, science!

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